I just want to state how much I love my brothers in Christ (BIC). No, I really do. They are a gift from God. They really smother me in love and I have learned sooo much from them. I use to be lowkey annoyed when people assumed I was courting/dating/talking to/having any relations with them, but I can understand why they assumed that now. Most girls aren’t privileged to experience this kind of bond from their BIC. So it can be perceived that it can only be experience in the walls of a relationship. I mean, a guy doesn't have to be courting you to be nice to you, but I guess.
If you’re having guy problems, I feel bad for you, girl.
I gotta 99 brothers, but Bae ain’t 1!
Here is my what I learned from my Brothers in Christ.
How to be treated
When I first met my best friend Gabe (Creative Director of UD), I knew he was different. We didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. Why? Well, for starters, he always insisted on watching me get in my car when I left his house. Even if I was headed to my car to get my Macbook in broad daylight, I still needed supervision. Then, there was the time, we went to the gas station and he insisted on pumping my gas. Um, dude, you are killing my “Miss Independent” vibe that I got going on. [Ladies, this is how you get friendzoned. Act like you don’t “need” a man, and your wish will come true]. The thing is in my friendship with Gabe, I learned there is a standard that sets apart the boys of the world and the men of the Kingdom. Boys think about themselves and are limited in their mindset. Men, on the other hand, they are leaders and know when to take charge of a situation.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1 Corinthians 13:11 NKJV
So when I go out for lunch with my brothers, my ego is not hurt when they offer [not mandatory] to pay for my meal. My bank account thanks them too. And when they tell me to text them the minute I get home, I feel secure and cherished.
How To Let A Man Be A Man
So most of my guy friends are actually younger than me. So because of this, I have to fight the urge to baby them. Yeah, I know, not cool. No man wants to be babied, especially by someone of the opposite sex, that is not family. I learned to just let them think they are right and wise.
“For Adam was formed first, then Eve.”
1st Timothy 2:13 HCSB
How To Dress
So last year, I got rebuked for wearing a spaghetti string top. I was so confused, I didn’t understand why my top was inappropriate. One night, I was talking to Jummy, just filling him on the incidence. I was telling him I didn't get what was so wrong with my top, when Jummy then said, “But you weren’t covered up, Olamide.” BAM! I got quiet as I digested what he said.
As much as I dress up, I am still learning about modesty like the next sister (or brother) in Christ. My BIC make it so easier to dress when I know if an outfit can cause the opposite sex to stumble or be tempted. They are the same reason I gave up wearing leggings and even dread thinking of wearing a two piece bathing suit. But then again, if I were to wear sweatpants in public, my brothers would raise their eyebrows in concern. My body belongs to the Lord, and one day it will belong to my husband, so why would I let others partake in our covenant? And why would I want to make another brethren’s walk harder, as they fight for their purity?
“Also, the women are to dress themselves in modest clothing, with decency and good sense...”
1st Timothy 2:9 HCSB
How to have a genuine platonic relationship
Yeah. I want to tell you a secret, that not most people are aware of. You don’t have to like every guy you meet or know. I know it’s weird, but if you live life with this in mind, things will be a lot easier for you. Some sisters in Christ do NOT know how to have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex. Makes me wonder how did you interact with the opposite sex before you received salvation. Anywho, I realized that my friendships with individuals of both gender, helped shape and developed my ability to communicate and to love, which would one day be vital and essential in the walls of a relationship. (Read “Our Convenant is Friendship” for further explanation)
“Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
Which leads me to my next point...
How to trust God
Remember when I said you don’t have to like every guy you meet? Who am I fooling? Yeah, that mindset is still key, but it can make you wonder “where is my guy?” Like if they aren’t “him”, then who is? Like I have, you can be a tad bit impatient and maybe even question God’s plan concerning marriage, but it’s at this moment you know you are in the flesh. Your external surroundings shouldn't influence your internal peace. Remember that we live from the inside out. I’ve learned to trust God and His plans for my future concerning marriage. In the meanwhile, I am enjoying my [temporary] stay here in The Friendzone, eating my pizza, doing my thang.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”
And please don't get me wrong. There could be a slight possibility that one of your Brother in Christ could be…The One” *ques dramatic sound effect* I mean, if Ron Stoppable could finesse his way out one of the toughest friendzones in history, there is hope for a BIC to become a potential significant other. Your significant other doesn’t have to come from outside of your circle. We all can't meet Bae at chick Fil A. Remember...
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Being the sister around so many “Brothers in Christ” can be a little overwhelming. I now know how Dinah felt. But I wouldn’t trade this season for anything in the world. Shoot, now I am milking this royal treatment for all its worth. Being single has its perks. Paul wasn’t playing when he said it's best to remain single.