Posts tagged Singleness
3 Things I learned in Singleness

This blog post has been in the works for over a year. Regardless of my lack of consistency, it does not disqualify or devalue the tips that have brought contentment to my season of singleness. Here are some lessons that have made my stay in the Friendzone more pleasant.

NEVER force anyone to love you

I am pretty sure you are evaluating your current friendzone situation and debating if you are in any way, shape or form forcing anyone to love you. It’s okay. I will help you figure it out. If you are behaving in a manner that is not like your usual self, then you are in fact trying to draw attention to yourself to be noticed. You don't have to manipulate your ways, in order to be noticed. If you got “it,” “it” doesn't beg for attention. If they can’t see and recognize your worth, then you are not for them. When Adam saw Eve, he knew who she was. Eve did not have to personify a false perception, nor alter who God made her be, in order to attract the attention of Adam. In fact, because she remained true to herself, he saw her for who she was-- his wife. 


Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.  And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”


In fact, the moment Eve changed who she was by eating the apple, is the moment Adam didn’t recognize her as his wife, but a stranger.


Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”


 Learn to keep boundaries between you and your close opposite sex friends

I don’t need to dive in further, do I? I think the subtitle suffices, but nonetheless, I will expound more, possibly exposing myself in the process. In our Christian community, we have various types of relationship, a fraction of them being platonic relationships with the members of the opposite sex. No harm done. However, harm can be done if the lines of friendship and an uncommunicated relationship becomes blurred. That’s where boundaries come into place.

Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.
— Proverbs 29:18 NIV

Boundaries keep the opposite sex in the friendzone before they assume they are being promoted to a significant other. No, baby, what is you doing? That spot is reserved for Kofi.

Singleness is the prerequisite for a relationship

It would be amazing if we didn’t have to endure singleness as long as we do right now. To not have to endure years of singleness. To be married and young. However, that’s not the case for many of us. We, men and women, have to go through the waiting process. Remember that waiting is synonymous with maturing. In this season of waiting, learn to grow and mature as an individual and to experience life as a single person. Sometimes, we have that impression that we have evolved to our fullest potential, but there is always room to improve mentally, spiritually, and financially. Invest in yourself. Love yourself. Treat yourself. Don’t wait for a significant other to start enjoying the beauty of life.

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In this season of singleness, what is God teaching you? What is He saying to you? As you are waiting, hearken to His voice. Remember He can love you more than any man or woman ever could.

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When You Don't Get The Dream Guy

This past Memorial Day was a memorable one. I spent that morning having confession with a dear sister. I shared a secret with her: I had a crush on someone. Over the last few months, God has been healing me and making me whole, to the point that my feelings for the guy were a thing of the past. And that's where it just needed to stay. I later went home and decluttered my room. I went on a rage looking for anything that could tie me to this guy. It was time to restore the ancient landmarks and remove any false idol that tried to raise itself as a god in my heart.

At this point in the game, you can tell I never got the dream guy. And to be honest, I am quite happy that God never answered that prayer. *flips hair* He be knowing.

Here's what to know when you don't get your dream guy


1. Remember God has someone you can't even imagine

I am really big on learning from other's past season and drawing strength from that. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the words of our testimony. I have many friends who are courting, engaged or married, so I love hearing about their love story. Believe it or not, the road to bae wasn't easy or smooth. Many times there was someone else who had their attention initially and that person began to take over their hearts. In all situations, that person wasn't God's will for them and I've learned that my friends had to consecrate their hearts to the Lord so that He can be their main focus.

And when they did, God brought someone that was meant for them. He reveals and announces the real partner. I can tell you my friends were captivated by some amazing people, but God always has a way of showing us out. Because the partners that God presented were someone I couldn't even fathom for my friends.

When you don't get the dream guy, remember that God will always outdo and will embarrass you with His blessings.

2. He is a dream. We need something that's a reality

I once saw a quote that said "don't settle for the guy that makes your heart race. Be with the guy that makes you feel calm." I never got the quote. Why can't bae give me butterflies and make my heart race? Isn't that what love does to people? I soon learned that I was anxious for love. Love is patient and I shouldn't be anxious about anything, especially when it is mine.

I realized that because I was anxious by the presence of another human, I was developing a deep yearning for them. Sounds familiar? Yeah, sounds like lust. Not lust in the sexual form, but lust nonetheless. Desiring a deep yearning for another person was awaking love before it's time, therefore not allowing it its God-given right to be beautiful in its time.

3. He's the reason for the season

God has already declared the beginning from the end. Literally. Before the foundations were laid, He declared it. So it's safe to say that He is the one who has control of the direction of your life, including why you didn't get the dream guy and enjoying your amazing single season.

Who is he who speaks and it comes to pass, When the Lord has not commanded it?
— Lamentations 3:37 NKJV

God is in control of your season and your life. If you didn't get the dream guy, I can confidently say, "shawty wasn't for you." I also have faith and believe what and who is yours will come to pass.

This is the part where I write some encouraging words as I conclude. All I can say is enjoy the now. And I say this with all sincerity because this season can't and shall not be repeated. Invest in yourself. You are your biggest concern right now. I wish I realized this years ago. Here is to our amazing youth and future stories we can share with our daughters.