Posts tagged Adulthood
3 Things I learned in Singleness

This blog post has been in the works for over a year. Regardless of my lack of consistency, it does not disqualify or devalue the tips that have brought contentment to my season of singleness. Here are some lessons that have made my stay in the Friendzone more pleasant.

NEVER force anyone to love you

I am pretty sure you are evaluating your current friendzone situation and debating if you are in any way, shape or form forcing anyone to love you. It’s okay. I will help you figure it out. If you are behaving in a manner that is not like your usual self, then you are in fact trying to draw attention to yourself to be noticed. You don't have to manipulate your ways, in order to be noticed. If you got “it,” “it” doesn't beg for attention. If they can’t see and recognize your worth, then you are not for them. When Adam saw Eve, he knew who she was. Eve did not have to personify a false perception, nor alter who God made her be, in order to attract the attention of Adam. In fact, because she remained true to herself, he saw her for who she was-- his wife. 


Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.  And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”


In fact, the moment Eve changed who she was by eating the apple, is the moment Adam didn’t recognize her as his wife, but a stranger.


Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”


 Learn to keep boundaries between you and your close opposite sex friends

I don’t need to dive in further, do I? I think the subtitle suffices, but nonetheless, I will expound more, possibly exposing myself in the process. In our Christian community, we have various types of relationship, a fraction of them being platonic relationships with the members of the opposite sex. No harm done. However, harm can be done if the lines of friendship and an uncommunicated relationship becomes blurred. That’s where boundaries come into place.

Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.
— Proverbs 29:18 NIV

Boundaries keep the opposite sex in the friendzone before they assume they are being promoted to a significant other. No, baby, what is you doing? That spot is reserved for Kofi.

Singleness is the prerequisite for a relationship

It would be amazing if we didn’t have to endure singleness as long as we do right now. To not have to endure years of singleness. To be married and young. However, that’s not the case for many of us. We, men and women, have to go through the waiting process. Remember that waiting is synonymous with maturing. In this season of waiting, learn to grow and mature as an individual and to experience life as a single person. Sometimes, we have that impression that we have evolved to our fullest potential, but there is always room to improve mentally, spiritually, and financially. Invest in yourself. Love yourself. Treat yourself. Don’t wait for a significant other to start enjoying the beauty of life.

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In this season of singleness, what is God teaching you? What is He saying to you? As you are waiting, hearken to His voice. Remember He can love you more than any man or woman ever could.

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Think Before You Drink

There are many topics that can cause a shift between believers. Though the Spirit is one, the personal convictions vary and differ among the Brethren. One of them is drinking.

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Before encountering Christ, I drank like a fish. Alcohol was definitely one of my vices as I indulged in underage drinking. From four Locos--to dry gin--to Everclear, baby girl swam like Nemo.

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10 days after turning 21, I got saved.

I got saved.

*ques harp*

My friends claimed that I was officially legal to drink, but my thirst for alcohol was severed and thrown into the pit of hell.

I wish this was the case for others. Some people drank before being saved and continue to do so after. Some drank liquor before being saved, but after Christ, stick with wine and/or a drink once in awhile. Some don’t make their convictions known to others but drink in the privacy of their homes. All in all, God sees the heart of all believers in regards to alcohol.

Recently, I began to accept that the body would remain in disagreement on this topic and that it was okay if the body differs on this, that each Believer was entitled to their own personal revelation and conviction from the Lord. Either way, I would not advocate for anyone who is a believer to not indulge in drinking. I can not expect you to take my personal convictions as your own, but do you mind hearing me out?

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Here are reasons why I would not advise one who is saved to drink


Out of season

When I say out of season, I do not mean it is out of season to still drink malt liquor just for a cheap buzz post-college. When I say out of season, I am referencing to Paul’s instruction to Timothy.

Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching.
— 2nd Timothy 4:2

As believers and witnesses of Christ, we are called to do the will of the Father at all times. That means being a vessel when you are in and out the church. That means being an ambassador of Christ when you're around your community and when you are surrounded by unbelievers. That means being a light when all eyes are on you and when you are alone in the privacy of your own room.

However, being ready in and out of season can be hard to achieve if you are under the influence of alcohol. If your judgment and natural senses have deteriorated, how much more will your spiritual sense be impaired? This makes you ineffective to be used unless God wants to minister to other individuals with your decision to drink.
 


The Real Deal

The devil always tries to emulate the Kingdom. From love to happiness, the devil offers us cheap imitations of the real deal. And we often fail to take a closer look at the imitation and buy the illusion. Imitating the Holy Spirit is one of the devil’s tactic. His version of the Holy Spirit is drunkenness.

And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit
— Ephesians 5:18 NJKV

The word is clearly advising us to choose being filled with the Holy Spirit over being drunk with wine.

“But the word said “ ‘drunk’ with wine”

Yes. It does. Because that is the purpose of consuming alcohol. People think that you can drink alcohol without being lit, which I believe is partially false. You may not be “one olive away from a margarita,” but regardless you are impaired to some degree when you consume a substantial amount of alcohol. You are either under the influence or not. Just because you have built a tolerance to it, does not negate the fact that you under the influence of alcohol. You are not immune to intoxication.

Let’s be real. Do you “sort of’ have sex or do you actually have sex”? Imagine telling this to a significant other. No one will buy that you “sort of” had sex with another person. Either you did or you didn’t.


Can’t coexist

For he shall be great in the sight of the Lord, and shall drink neither wine nor strong drink; and he shall be filled with the Holy Ghost, even from his mother’s womb.
— Luke 1:15 KJV

John, the Baptist, was destined to lead the way for the coming of the Lord. Before he was in his mother’s womb, his life had key guidelines to follow in order to ensure he accomplished his destiny and he became the man God desired him to be.  

John couldn’t partake in the manner of other men, for he carried destiny.

But let's see what the word had to say about this John.

Assuredly, I say to you, among those born of women there has not risen one greater than John the Baptist; but he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.
— Matthew 11:11 NJKV

If we have the same potential to be greater than John, the forerunner of Jesus, would alcohol enable us to do so or hinder us?

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Now that I’ve presented my case and provided valid scriptures as evidence, you have to make the final verdict? What would it be?

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Always A Hostess

For a woman, your status at a wedding is surprisingly similar to the temple of God. I know I said it was similar to your current relationship with your crush, but bear with me. #INeedNewMaterial

You can be either one of many levels: the hostess, the bridesmaid or the bride. I’ve been granted access to 2 out of 3 of the levels. I’m still trying to present myself without a “spot or wrinkle or any other blemish” and to “be holy and without fault.” But no worries, the time will come. As of now, I can only enjoy the levels I have been able to master.


Hostess

A time of service


Growing up I never considered ever wanting to be a hostess in someone’s wedding. I only imagined myself as a bride or a bridesmaid. One or the other. Or just be a guest member, crying my eyes out during the exchange of vows. When I got saved, I noticed a lot of couples had younger people serve at their weddings and they used this cute phrase “hostess” to make it seem official. The only place I heard the word was when I went to TGI Friday's or when I stuff my face with a Hostess donuts. Apparently, a hostess is basically someone who works for free at your wedding. Being young, it was so much fun. Free food and I can attend your wedding. But now, things done changed, Hunny. The word is a thorn in my flesh. As a “late mid” twenty-year-old, a hostess is like Cinderella serving her step-sisters as they got to go to the Ball. You work and sweat, while they dance and laugh.

A few months ago, a dear sister of mine asked me to be her hostess. Because of love, I agreed. Because of the body pain and sore feet the day after, I promised that was my last wedding being a hostess for. All my big sisters and brother in the Lord were married at this point. However, that didn't take my resume off the “Hostess with the most-est” job portal.

A friend asked me to be a “wedding coordinator” at her wedding. The title sounded so sweet to my ears, I immediately agreed.

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I should have asked for the job description because I soon learned that it was basically a hostess that studied abroad.

We all know where this is going. I was plotting how I could break the news to her that I couldn't be able to do it.

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“Why not?” you ask.

Essentially, I was just being prideful. She was a younger bride asking me, who is one breath away from thirty, to work and slave at her wedding, as she dances the night away with her the love of her life. Other “reasons” came to my mind to say no. Many of which I am too ashamed to admit to.

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I couldn't think of a gracious way to decline to be a hostess at her wedding.

One Sunday, while service was going on, sitting next to her, I extended my right hand over her thigh to hold her last two right fingers. We were barely holding hands when I felt this subtle, but overwhelming sensation run through my body. It was as if embracing her reset my mind. I felt this peace take over and it was then that I knew that the Holy Spirit was speaking. In that moment, I was reminded of my particular love for her, thus compelling me to desire to assist her on her big day. Looking back, I realized that she has a servant’s heart. She loves to serve others and lay down her life for others. But the irony is that as much she sacrifices for others, she tends to not receive the same honor when it's her turn. But that's the scandal of it all, she serves with no anticipation of a favor returned. And this led me to my ultimate decision to take my hostess assignment with honor.

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So catch your girl in the corner at the wedding, stuffing my face as I cry over the couple’s first dance.

*end of part 1/3*


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Four Things To Remember About Summer

I had this post sitting in the UD archive for the last two summers. #DoBetterOlamide Had to brush the dust off this one. It's summer and a lot is taking place - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Here is a post to Help keep your focus in this crazy heat.


More Heat Doesn't Mean Lesser Clothing

Unless you live in Maryland, your summer actually feels like...summer! And in many cases, some days, the heat is unbearable. Instead of staying hydrated with water, we like to dress with fewer articles of clothing. As ambassadors of Christ, we have to remember we can’t follow the ways of the world. When getting dressed, ask yourself the hard questions: Does this glorify God? Am I being a stumbling block? Am I helping the Gospel or hindering it?

Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.
— Romans 13:14

2. Salvation Takes No Vacation

Besides Winter, most of us travel during the Summer. We plan trips to places where we can get away and no one knows anything about us. Don’t let the world fool you. What happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas and when in Rome, don’t even do as the Romans. No matter where you are on Earth, you should always represent Christ. You are saved, sanctified and set apart. So when you go through TSA, remember to keep on your helmet of salvation.

But he who endures to the end shall be saved.
— Matthew 24:13 NKJV

3. Don’t Forsake The Fellowship Of The Brethren

With school being out for summer, we can kiss goodbye that morning class, the annoying roommates and the amazing mystery meal served in the cafe. For some odd reason, we tend to think that applies to the weekly bible studies we’ve attended. Even though school is out, the community is still important. Whether you have a job, internship or participating in your own NBA 2k17 tournament, make room for staying connected to the body.

And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
— Hebrew 10:24-25

4. Stay Faithful To the Word

We understand there are moves and functions lined up. We get it. You got places to go and people to see. But we were saved to love God, not to forsake our fellowship with Him. So keep being consistent in prayer and reading of the word. Don’t let the physical season delay you from seeking God about your spiritual season. See what He has in store for you! If anything, being out of school and having fewer responsibilities should be an opportunity to draw closer to God, not further. You (for the most part) get to set your schedule and have your own routine. No need to rise early in the morning, but now you have all the time in the world to build intimacy with God before life gets crazy again.

With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
— Psalm 119:10-11
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.
— 2 Timothy 3:16-17

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Hope this helps set the tone for your summer. Please enjoy the remaining of your summer because you know I will :)

Falling For An Unbeliever

You meet an amazing person and just like that, you fall for them. They have everything you want and more. It seems like this person isn't even real.

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It happens. It's almost inevitable. We are soul beings so we are capable of having emotions. They have the whole package and you are sure you have found "the one." That is until one single factor comes and disqualifies them from being bae.
 

They are NOT saved.


In other words, they don't know the Lord. You guys aren't equally yoked. Not even “chill saved” or “newly saved.” It's okay. We’ve all been there. And may still even be there. #Guilty



Here is what you should know when you find yourself head over heels for an Unbeliever

1. Don't feed into it

It is so easy for us as humans to dream and imagine the future, especially when we found someone who captures our hearts. But that's it. They have captured our heart. Our deceitful hearts.

 

The heart is deceitful above all things And it is extremely sick; Who can understand it fully and know its secret motives?
— Jeremiah 17:9 AMP

 

Our emotions are valid, but we must also discern when they are not of God. Having feelings for an unbeliever can happen, but understand that God doesn't desire a relationship to be birthed from it. Don't have any hope or faith that this will end well. It's not God’s will for you two to end up together.

“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.”
— Songs of Solomon 8:4 NLT

2. God isn't holding out

Many times when we like an unbeliever, it could be because there isn't another person similar to them in the Kingdom. God has you surrounded by many believers of the opposite sex. However, for some reason, a person that is “off-limits” is desirable in your eyes.

Sounds familiar?

Eve made the same mistake.

Adam and Eve were advised to eat of any tree in the garden of Eden, but the tree of good and evil. However, she saw the tree of good and evil and desired that, despite its possible consequences.


“The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too.”


‭Genesis‬ ‭3:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬


Unlike Eve, we must realize that God isn't trying to hold out on us. We have to be careful not to be led away by our desires. If we aren't cautious, this could be a threat to our walk with the Lord. He is actually protecting us from the dangers of being unequally yoked and possibly, backsliding.

3. Saved ones are the best ones!

I know it sucks, there isn't that many men that look like Idris Elba in the Kingdom. Trust me, I checked.

Jk. Not about checking, but about how saved men look. We can't let our eyes deceive us. Same thing applies to men in regards to women. Our attraction may have been initiated by appearance, but it's a Godly character that will anchor us. 

“Charm and grace are deceptive, and [superficial] beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD [reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect], she shall be praised.”
— Proverbs 31:30 AMP

*applies to men as well*

Although God loves us all uniquely, He desires for His children to have equally yoked partners. So although your dream partner isn't in the Kingdom, God’s best for you is. And at the end of the day, God has never failed us. His judgment is always best.

Just be patient for everything to be beautiful in its time.

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One day God will give us godly marriages, for those of us that desire to marry. Godly marriages that glorify the Father one day. Marriages that encompass His faithfulness towards us and reflects the love of Christ towards the Church. Until then, let's continue to kick it in The Friendzone. We got time to enjoy this season before it ends.