Boy, Bye: How To Not Fall For A Brother In Christ

This message is resonating with you because you clicked the link to read it.

You’re probably wondering, “why would she want to stop a brother from pursuing me?

I don’t. I want a brother to pursue you. I just don’t want a brother to play you.

And you are probably perplexed. Brothers can and have played sisters. And the sister is the one who often, gets blamed for the situation.

We’ve been there. Some of us are probably still there. A guy likes a girl. Girl likes the guy. Guy treats Girl more than a typical sister but hasn’t taken the steps to make Girl more than a sister. The guy changes his mind about the girl and does something dumb foolish to “ruin” his chances with Girl. Before you know it, homegirl is being asked by close friends, “well, did he say that you were more than a friend?” Before you know it ol’ Girl is now questioning herself to see if she played herself and made something out of nothing.

I hear stories like this all the time. Truth is I’m tiyad of it. Time to stop the patterns. So I’m writing this to help my other sisters learn repeated mistakes from our sisters.


Here are steps to help you not get played by a brother in Christ

Respect Yourself

Your space is YOUR space. Don’t let an unintentional brother crawl out the friend zone. If he does, point him back in the right direction. Whether he’s texting you “to see how you are doing?”, coming around too often, or maybe he is just doing the most, set boundaries in your heart that he is strictly a brother and nothing more. I’m not saying cut him off. Nah, homie. You gotta play his game and keep him as what he says he is: a brother. Because if he pays for your food, let him and eat that food that your brother bought.

Don’t Think About It Too Much

Whether he calls to check up on you, seems very nice to you or maybe he has been a great friend, don’t interpret that as him liking you as more than a sister. Take it at face value. He is just a great friend and let’s keep it at that.

Open My Eyes, Lord

When we get the googly eyes for someone, our vision and focus can be out of alignment. Sometimes, out of alignment with God’s vision. And with that, we can have a distorted view of this brother. Ask God to open your eyes and to reveal this fella to you, by simply asking who is he? A very dangerous prayer. Whenever I am wondering about a certain guy and I bring it to God, He almost always answers immediately.

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints
— Ephesians 3:18

I’m sure the Holy Spirit is ready to give us one Holy Ghost slap for our eyes to be open. When He exposes who homeboy truly is at heart, realign yourself to God’s path for your love life. He will do it at its appointed time.

Say It

We’ve been taught that actions speaking louder than words. But in some cases, this statement isn’t true. Actions can be misleading and cause confusion. If the former was the case, perhaps, you should ask homeboy “what is this?” A friend of mine said it better than I could.

I would say, have mature conversations! If you feel like you’re starting to get confused about where the relationship is going, DO NOT BE TIMID! Speak up and have him clearly define the relationship.


Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?
— Amos 3:3 NLT

If you have been hurt by a brother in Christ, please forgive them. For they do not know what they are doing. Learn to accept the apology you will never receive and forgive them for their foolish ways. Don’t let bitterness or hurt hold you back from all that God has for you. And don’t hold resentment towards God. Let’s live and learn as we become more like Christ. Hope these tips helped and will prevent you from getting heartbroken by a fellow believer. If you have advice on this topic, or words of wisdom that has helped you during a similar experience, feel free to share by commenting below. Let’s teach each other from our past experiences.