The Root Of It All
It’s safe to say that insecurities are probably the death of all relationships….with your friends, romantic partners, God, and especially yourself…actually, most importantly, yourself. They like to pop out of nowhere like a pimple. You start to notice that something is off about yourself when you look in the mirror, but you don’t realize the blemish that’s beginning to make its way to the surface of your skin, all the while its been building a root and foundation underneath. Now, I’m not trying to remind you of those Clearasil commercials, where they wash their face one time and their faces are clear, but I’m just trying to create a picture for you to understand where these things come from. Let’s be honest, some say its because of puberty, others say its because of soda and sweets, and sometimes its just genetics, right?
Either way, it all comes from somewhere, doesn’t it? But that’s exactly like insecurities. They begin in so many places and make their way into your mind and heart. When one of them begins to rear its ugly head, you have no idea that it started long before it appeared. I personally don’t even know where my insecurities stem from. I keep saying the word over and over again, thinking more and more about the fact that I am a problem solver and like to identify the issue in order to fix it, but when I think of my “insecurities” (I even hate claiming it), I am not really even sure how deep and wide they go. And even more, how I can rid myself of them.
I’ve seen that in my personal walk and in my romantic relationship that I struggle, a lot. I find myself, without even realizing it, comparing myself to others. It seems like there’s always someone who is fasting more than I was, praying more than I was, going to bible study more often, and evangelizing more. I’ve also struggled with feeling important, wanted, and loved. I, so selfishly, want to be at the center of everyone’s world; I want to be invited to all the potlucks, the planner of every surprise party, be in all the poppin’ groupmes. But when I’m not, it makes me feel invisible, like I barely take up oxygen on this earth. It wasn’t until I got into a relationship that these things really started to rear their ugly heads (or that I started to notice them more), but as we grew closer, I started to see things I didn’t like about myself and the way it seemed to control my actions and my thoughts. It isn’t just in a relationship that insecurities begin to creep up, it can be when you’re reflecting over how you reacted to a certain situation, or if you have that friend who likes to ask really deep questions, in the workplace with a co-worker or boss, or serving in a ministry. And although they have no boundaries, I like to think that it’s a blessing in disguise that they can be revealed to us in any circumstance, which gives me hope that God wants to dig these things up!
So what about YOU? What are some of things you wouldn’t let your closest friends know? The things that keep you up at night? Ladies, was it that joke someone made about your outfit? Was it the way that boy looked right past you and only spoke to your friend? Or was it the way your classmate got an A on the same paper you just failed? Or guys, is it the way that all your friends are bragging about the girls on their line (and let’s be real, that speaks more to their insecurities than yours)? What about that internship they just got? Or the come-up they got on that 2004 Camry? But the worst part is that after we recognize these things, we just sweep them under the rug like they don’t impact us and our relationships. I know I didn’t want anyone telling me that I was being insecure, nonetheless admit to it. They are so ingrained into our thoughts and emotions that it’s too much effort to change; they’re no big deal, right?
It IS a big deal! Because that is when we begin to ask ourselves: why do I feel so unworthy? Why do I feel like I need to look to everyone for approval? It’s because we are insecure with who we are, what our purpose is, and what really makes up our identity. Some insecurities are rooted in us at such a young age and it’s almost like as we grow, they do to. I see insecurities as the little seeds that the devil plants to try and keep us in darkness, so as we get older and grow in who we are, they grow with us, infiltrating our ways of thinking and compromising the way we look at the world and ourselves. They also begin grow even stronger if we don’t address them or as more experiences begin to reaffirm them. I saw this happening in me, but my problem was that I was ignoring those signs. I wanted to think of myself as a matured Christian with no problems, but that type of Christian doesn’t exist (another thought that needs some uprooting) But all of this reminded me of a verse in Colossians that sheds light on our identity as believers.
“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:1-3
If you are saved, you must have faith that you are no longer who you once were, but you are a new creature in Christ, and in that God not only erases your sins from his memory, but He begins to work diligently in your heart through the Holy Spirit to reveal those deep, hidden thoughts and beliefs about yourself so that you can correctly understand that your TRUE identity rests in His Son. You are no longer the girl with the bad skin or the boy with the bad grades, you are now a daughter/son to the King of Glory and Grace. GET EXCITED!
That means you no longer have to look to the world, or your grades, or the compliments you receive to affirm yourself and make up your identity, but you can look to the comforting words of God to truly know who you are now. Now, I’m not saying that all your insecurities will go away, or that you’ll be a whole new person without any flaws or doubts, but it does mean that whenever you start to hear those voices that make you question who you are, you can know that if it doesn’t align with His Word, then it is a LIE! Christ has set you free from those chains! And as these thoughts will come, we must put Colossians 3:1-3 into action to be reminded that there is no way outside of Christ that we will be able to truly understand, grow, and walk in who we are as believers. You literally will have to take that thought captive and make it obedient to Christ!
We have been changed, our identity has changed, and so has our way of thinking and living. It is now marked by the redeeming work of Christ, not by my own understanding, my past mistakes or what people tell me and in realizing that I recognized that the only time I am secure in myself is when I am secure in who Christ has made me to be. I know that there are still things I am learning about myself, and I am not perfect but Christ is sanctifying me each and everyday, and he uses people in so many ways to help me grow and this is His promise to all of us. There is some grey in my life that God and I must sort through to make black and white, but it is ultimately Him that is leading me; my dependence is solely on Him and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
My prayer is that you are encouraged in knowing that God is sanctifying and perfecting you for the day that Christ is coming, and that you can trust Him to continue to walk with you, no matter what. You shouldn’t run from the things that are brought up about you, but in every effort leave them at the feet of God and cry out to Him to heal you and show you the ways in which life should be carried out in Him.
Peace and blessings.